Fandom
by Charity Angel
Summary: In which Claire Novak discovers the Supernatural fandom.


_A/N: Be warned - this story contains some mild abuse of a teenager._

_Written for fan_flashworks' Challenge #100: Choices._

* * *

><p>There were days where Claire really wished she hadn't had the first Supernatural book shoved into her hands by Juanita. There were definitely days where she wished she hadn't read the damn things out of some kind of morbid curiosity. She certainly should never have sat beside a giggling Juanita as they made their first forays into the murky world of fandom.<p>

That was where they had discovered their disparate tastes: Claire enjoyed the realism of case-fic, or simple brotherly bonding, whereas Juanita became an avid member of morethanbrothers. net. Claire read a couple of the stories that Juanita had raved about, but she couldn't shake the memories of meeting the Winchesters for real that one awful day, and the very idea that people were writing about them having sex together made her skin crawl.

She wasn't a hundred percent certain that the stories in the books had all actually happened until the day that BeckyWinchester176, a newbie author, posted a story called 'Lazarus Rising'. In the three years since the publication of 'No Rest for the Wicked', lots and lots of people had postulated just about each and every permutation of a continuation or, preferably, a fix-it. Since a convention about eighteen months ago, a few people had suggested that angels would help the faithful Sam come to terms with Dean's death, or might even pull Dean from Hell because of his noble sacrifice, but not one had suggested that a dark-haired, blue-eyed, badass angel named Castiel would raise Dean from perdition in order to avert the apocalypse. Claire read the story carefully. The timeframe was even right: Castiel had walked away from her as she stood on the porch on the morning of Friday 19th September 2008. The writing style, though, was exactly the same as that of the original novels.

The ides of the apocalypse took the fandom by storm, and BeckyWinchester176 became an overnight sensation, racking up reviews like no other story beforehand. When, a week later, she published 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester', Claire came to the chilling realisation that there was still a whole series of these unpublished works, and she didn't know how far they went. But she knew how: meeting the prophet had been one of the last things that Castiel had done before getting dragged back to Heaven. That transgression had been firmly fixed in his mind when he had come to her.

So she made a choice: steeling herself, she broke the first rule her mother had given her about the internet.

_from: AngelofThursday_

_to : BeckyWinchester176_

_Dear Becky,_

_I've been reading your stories, and this might seem like a weird question, but my real name is Claire Novak, and I used to live in Pontiac, IL. Do you know who I am?_

_Claire_

It was only a few minutes before she got a response:

_from: BeckyWinchester176_

_to: AngelofThursday_

_Claire! Omigod! Yes, I know who you are! Your story really made me cry. What your dad did for you… He's such a hero. Your username – you named yourself after Castiel? That's so sweet. I guess it's not as bad being possessed by an angel as a demon, huh?_

_It must be really weird for you, seeing all of Castiel's stories. I held on to them for over a year, because it felt so weird, and because it hurt so bad when I found out what happened. I was a Sam girl even before I met him (I'm also samlicker81). But when I read the last one, and it was only the day after he saved the world, I cried for hours. It was just so awful but, even if people think it's only fiction, the story should be told. It should be ended. It's what Chuck would have wanted. That's Carver's real name, btw. He was my boyfriend. He sent me this massive email, the day after the end of the apocalypse, with all the unpublished stories attached. I've got everything. Yours is one of my favourites, because it's so sad, and there's so much goes unsaid about what happened to Castiel in Heaven. I'm guessing it wasn't good, right?_

_Do you still hear from Cas? Is he still looking out for you and your mom? I know he must be busy up in Heaven, but he promised._

_Becky_

Claire felt an irrational stab of jealousy: Becky clearly knew more than she did about what had happened after Castiel and the Winchesters had left. But that wasn't Becky's fault, and it somehow made Claire feel better that she finally had someone she could talk to about the things she knew were real. Her mom knew, of course, but she liked to pretend that they had never discovered the supernatural world. Claire supposed it was her method of coping – it probably was much worse to be possessed by a demon than an angel – but it wasn't exactly healthy. Especially since it meant she didn't talk about Jimmy any more. And she had lost her faith, even though she knew there were angels in the world.

_from: AngelofThursday_

_to: BeckyWinchester176_

_Hi Becky._

_Yes, I borrowed a bit of Castiel's identity when I picked my username. I didn't think it would ever be noticed, tbh. The books never went late enough for her to appear._

_Yes, it's weird, but it's nice too, you know. I don't know much about what happened to Castiel before or after I met her. She tried not to tell me too much – even she knew I was too young. But I knew enough about some things. And no, it wasn't good. She was hurt so badly when she came to me and asked for my help._

_I don't know what happened at the end. I assumed it ended because all the omens stopped, but I didn't know for sure until now._

_No, I don't hear from Castiel. But she's watching out for us – sometimes I catch a glimpse of her and my dad on a street corner, or they're sitting on a bench as I'm walking through the park to school. But as soon as I try and look properly, they're gone again. Sometimes I wish I could have my dad back, but I know that Castiel is important somehow – even now, after the apocalypse. You said she's busy in Heaven? I'm guessing something big is going to happen to her then, because she wasn't important enough to be busy when I met her. And the way she was going – she was about one step away from the edge. It would only have taken a tiny nudge from Dean to get her to fall._

_It's good to be able to talk about this with someone. I've got a friend at school who got me into the books, but she just thinks they're stories, and I can' tell her they're not. Mom prefers not to think about it at all, so you're probably right about the possession thing._

_Could you do me a massive favour? When it gets to our story, could you change our names? Or our surname, at least? Having Dad's missing person report out there is bad enough, without me suddenly appearing in fanfic. I really don't want to explain to impalasareawesome._

_Claire_

_from: BeckyWinchester176_

_to: AngelofThursday_

_Oh, sweetie, of COURSE I can. I normally don't like changing anything in Chuck's work because, you know, it's the word of God and all, but I don't think even He could have a problem with that. It's just a little detail. And if you ever need to talk about things, I'll be here. You can add me on just about any IM client you can think of as becky at morethanbrothers dot net. _

_It's so weird, the way you call Cas 'she'. But I guess it makes sense in a way. It's not like he/she has an actual gender, is it? So it kind of makes sense that you think of her as a 'she', because she was female when she was with you, but male when he's with your dad. And it's so cute that he's still looking out for you, and the park bench thing made me giggle – Cas seems to have a bit of a thing for park benches. You'll see. You should definitely look for him there more often._

_Yes, he/she has an important role to play, and he/she gets rewarded for it in the end. It'll take a long time to get there, mind you. There's two years' worth of stories, and I'm planning on posting some of the older ones that never made it to print too. It's a crime that the first one with the Trickster never got published. Even if he was mean to my Sam, I think he's one of my favourite bad guys. And… ooh, just you wait!_

_From: clairebear97(a)hotmail. com_

_To: becky(a)morethanbrothers. net_

_Subject: The Trickster?_

_The Trickster? He's going to appear again? That sounds promising. I knew Sam and Dean had met him before! It was so obvious! And was he trying to stop Sam from doing something stupid like hooking up with Ruby ? (because, ew. I saw the blood-sucking. So not hot.) So he was trying to help? Because Ruby was up to something really bad. I know that much, even if I don't know what it was. I can have a guess it was final seal kind of bad._

_Oh, please publish some of the older stories. I know that the apocalypse is important to tell people about, but it's nice to remember that at one point, Sam and Dean were just two brothers, hunting because it was the right thing to do._

_From: becky(a)morethanbrothers. net (Becky Rosen)_

_To: clairebear97(a)hotmail. com_

_Subject: RE: The Trickster?_

_Attachment: Tall Tails. doc_

_A sneak peak – the first meeting with the Trickster. :)__  
><em>

_I tried to be into the whole bloodsucking thing, I really did. But it's not me. There'll be people who get off on it, I'm sure. Sam was gorgeous, but that? Ew._

There were also days, like the day she contacted Becky, where Claire liked that the fandom existed, and knew that she wasn't completely alone in the world. There were others who had experienced terrible things too, and come out the other side. Claire really enjoyed Tall Tales, but felt there was something much more to the Trickster, who clearly could have easily killed Sam, Dean and Bobby if he had really wanted to. Becky wasn't telling, though.

The fandom accepted Becky's 'stories' as part of fanon, and people started writing fic based on it. Claire made the mistake of clicking on one without properly reading the summary, or the rating. She closed it very, very quickly when she reached a particularly vivid (and hopefully inaccurate) description of her father's naked body. Wow. That was wrong on oh so many levels.

And the porn kept on appearing! The fact that Becky herself was producing quite a lot of it did not impress Claire one bit.

_samlicker81:  
>But you can't deny the chemistry between Dean and Cas.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>omg, it IS there! Isnt it!<em>

_samlicker81:  
>youre not even denying it.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Claire? You okay?<em>

_angelofthursday:  
>Even the angels knew it. That's why Castiel got pulled back to Heaven in disgrace.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>I knew it!<em>

_angelofthursday:  
>They tortured her because of it, Becky.<em>

_angelofthursday:  
>They did the most awful things to her. She was still in so much pain when she came to me, but she had to help Mom and Dad. She made a promise, and she wanted to keep it. She was hurting so badly, and she tried to keep it from me, to protect me from her pain.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>I'm sorry. I didn't think.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Have you ever thought about writing it out as a fanfic? I know you've never written anything before, but the way you write your emails makes me think you'll be a good writer, and you've kind of got a unique perspective on your story. The fans go nuts for pieces about minor characters.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>It might make you feel better. I can be very cathartic, writing about a painful experience.<em>

_angelofthursday:_

_I'll think about it. I've got a few weeks before it come up, right?_

_samlicker81:_

_Oh, a couple months._

In the end, Claire didn't feel it was her place to tell Castiel's story of what had happened to her during that particular tale. It was too personal, and Claire wasn't supposed to know in the first place. But what Claire could do was to tell _her_ story. So, when Becky published 'The Rapture' (possibly the most twisted title Chuck could have come up with), AngelofThursday followed it up with a story, told through the eyes of twelve-year-old Claire Krushnic; from the moment her father disappeared in September 2008, up to the moment she watched Castiel walk away from her for a second time. Becky betaed it herself, and fell over herself to pimp it out at the start of 'Lucifer Rising' (which she told Claire not to worry about –it would look like it ended badly for Castiel, but things would come good in the end). Juanita stared in disbelief as she read it, and said, her voice shaking slightly, that Claire should write more if she was capable of things like that.

Becky had been right: it had been cathartic to get her experience down, and have people react so positively to it. The amount of positive reviews was overwhelming, and she would have been sceptical about the number of people who said they had cried in places, except that she kept remembering watching Becky on the webcam, and Juanita in real life. They had both cried too. Becky had even reached out to her screen at one point, as if she was trying to hug Claire.

The most surprising review, however, didn't come through the websites.

.oOo.

"You remember."

Claire had been in her own little world, and was startled not only by Castiel's presence on her customary park bench, but that she actually spoke for the first time. When Claire frowned, trying to work out what Castiel was talking about, the angel realised, and pulled a cell phone from the pocket of her father's trench coat. She – he – held it out, and Claire took it, her eyes widening as she saw the title 'Those Left Behind ' – her story.

"You remember what happened to me," Castiel clarified, her eyes sad.

Claire nodded and handed the cell back. "Yeah, I remember."

She had included a little of Castiel's story, because it was important. But she had not really been that much more detailed than Becky had been able to guess for herself (and therefore any other reader could have), nor truly said how much Castiel's affection for Dean was to blame for Zachariah's response.

"I should apologise," Castiel said softly. "When I asked for your father's help, I had no idea about the bonds between family among humans. I had no idea how long I would need your father's help. I did not mean to take him from you for so long."

Claire gave her – him – a tight smile. "I know. I don't blame you, you know. Mom does – it's been harder for her – but I don't."

She couldn't hold herself back at that point: she threw herself into the angel's arms – her daddy's arms – and hugged as hard as she could.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she said, her face pressed into Castiel's shoulder as the angel awkwardly tried to work out what she was supposed to do in this particular situation. "I just read the story where Sam breaks the final seal, and you were at Chuck's house, waiting to distract an archangel for Dean. Becky said I shouldn't worry, and I know I'd seen you since, but…"

"I am well, Claire," Castiel reassured her, finally working out that she was supposed to reciprocate, folding Claire into her embrace. "We are both well. Sam and Dean are well. Please do not worry yourself, no matter what you read."

Claire's head came up sharply. "Sam's okay? Becky said he died at the end of the last book."

There was a twitch of a smile from Castiel. "Claire, you have just read that I died at the beginning of the apocalypse. I trust you have read the novels in which both Sam and Dean die? Do not assume that death is a permanent state of affairs for any us."

She squeezed Castiel briefly. "Good point. But it won't stop me worrying. You're still not safe, are you?"

Castiel's shoulders slumped. It was just a fraction, but given that she wasn't born in a human body, it was significant.

"No. Since the end of the apocalypse, the situation in Heaven has been chaotic. I am doing my best, but there is no simple solution and occasionally the fighting spills over onto Earth."

Claire drew back, scooting along the bench and eyed Castiel shrewdly. "When you were with me, you were rank-and-file. What happened? Why are you suddenly in charge now?"

Castiel looked almost embarrassed. "When I was resurrected for the second time, God made me a seraph. Sam ended the apocalypse by trapping both Lucifer and Michael in the Cage. With Michael gone and Zachariah dead" (Claire couldn't stop a small smile at that, even though she was conscious that Castiel was talking about her own brothers) "there was a power vacuum. Raphael is determined to restart what we stopped, but there are many angels who believe that my promotion is proof that I made the correct choice, and that Earth and the humans should be saved."

She met Castiel's eyes levelly. "You'll win," she said firmly.

"How can you be sure?" Cas asked, her voice sounding thin, desperate.

"Because I have faith in you," Claire replied. "Because God is on your side. Because Sam and Dean are on your side. Just… check in with me occasionally, yeah? Let me know you're okay?"

Castiel's eyes slid away. "I cannot always get away. There is open war in Heaven."

Claire snapped her fingers impatiently. "Gimme your phone."

Castiel obliged immediately. Claire snatched it and programmed all her details in, then called her phone.

"You've got my number now," she said firmly. "Even if you can't get away from whatever you're doing, send me a text. I just want to know you're safe."

"Likewise," Castiel said. "You don't pray as much as you used to. I miss it."

She smiled and nodded. "I will."

Castiel stood and brushed down Jimmy's suit and trench coat in a manner so human it was jarring.

"You should continue to write," she said, with that smile that was so tiny yet lit her eyes so brightly. "You have a talent for it."

Claire shrugged. "I don't have any more stories to tell."

"Except mine," Castiel said, her voice even lower than usual, gruffer with emotion.

Claire looked up into her eyes and nodded. "But that's not my story to tell."

"Perhaps you should anyway. Your audience seems to wish it, and I would prefer it to the gratuitous fiction that some of the fans write."

Claire flushed. "Me too. I didn't like it before, but it really freaks me out now." She swallowed and found something within her brave enough to add: "Especially since it's what you want."

Castiel froze and stared. "Yes, I suppose you might interpret it that way. Dean certainly would, if he knew."

Claire groaned aloud, unable to stop herself. "He loves you too, you know. He's just afraid you're too good for him. And you're afraid he's too good for you. You're both idiots. And don't you dare try and tell me that I'm only fourteen and I'm too young to understand, because you've been in my head: I get it, I really do."

Castiel merely looked confused. "I would not presume to tell you any such thing: there are matters in which youth is not a barrier to understanding. To me, you are all children, but you have an understanding of emotion that I cannot presume to comprehend. I am not sure that I ever will, because I cannot feel as intensely as you do."

"Bullshit," Claire said vehemently. "What I felt when you were with me was so, so much more than I've ever felt in my life. Sometimes it's overwhelming, remembering your pain, your love for Dean, the conflict you were in, fighting yourself."

There were tears pricking at her eyes as the memories popped into her head, unbidden. She swiped viciously at them, and Castiel knelt in front of her, taking her hands.

"I never meant to cause you any pain, Claire," she said softly. "I am sorry. I… I could take…"

"Don't you _dare_!" Claire hissed, interrupting her. "I don't want to forget any part of you. I just don't want you to demean yourself. You need some self-esteem, Castiel, and to go get your man."

Castiel definitely looked away then, dropping Claire's hands. "It may be too late for that," she admitted. "I have made mistakes during this war with Raphael: mistakes that Dean is unlikely to forgive."

Claire leant over and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "He'll forgive you," she assured the angel. "He'll forgive you anything, because he loves you. Never forget that. Just be honest with him about the choices that led to the mistakes."

Castiel nodded. "Perhaps you are right. You may be young, Claire Novak, but that does not mean you are not wise. Come: you should be at school, should you not?"

Claire glanced at her watch and realised that even if she ran all the way, she would be late now. "Crap!"

Castiel pulled her to her feet, and suddenly they were in the school parking lot.

"Handy," Claire commented with a brief laugh. "I never realised just how quick it was."

Castiel pulled her into one last hug, pressing a kiss to the top of Claire's head.

"Stay safe, sweetheart."

Claire's breath caught in her throat, and she squeezed even harder as she realised that it wasn't Castiel in control right now.

"You too, Daddy," she whispered as soon as she could trust her voice. "Make sure she looks after you, and herself."

Jimmy snorted and a little chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Cas isn't so good at looking after himself. You keep praying, though: it's nice, hearing your voice and knowing you're safe."

"I will. You make Castiel text me."

"I'll try, but I think he'll do it himself anyway." His eyes got a bit of a distant look, and Claire realised that she was about to lose them both.

"We must leave," Castiel said, sounding genuinely regretful. "There is trouble in Pennsylvania."

Claire gave a weak smile. "Sure. I've got to go anyway, or I'll be late."

They vanished into thin air with nothing more than a beat of wings and a rush of air, and Claire suddenly felt more lonely than she had before she had set off for school that morning.

Before she trudged into her homeroom, Claire texted Becky: _'Saw Castiel this morning. She says Sam's alive and well. Thought you'd want to know :)'_

.oOo.

Claire did as Castiel and her dad had asked, and started praying again every evening. As a child, she had prayed to God, or to one of the archangels, but now it was just one seraph and his vessel. She never asked for anything, except to know they were safe, but she told them about her day. Even if it had been rubbish, and her head was full of algebra because of her homework, she told them.

She wrote Castiel's story – the time she was missing during 'The Rapture'. It was hard, translating what was in her head into concepts other people would be able to understand, but Becky helped her a lot. And afterwards, she did continue writing: a few of the stories Becky posted gave her ideas, but on the side, she started a piece of original fiction, too: a story based on her own experience of losing her father, but removing the supernatural element. Her heroine, Amy, was never going to find out what happened to her father, and it was all too easy , sometimes, for Claire to imagine how she felt. Some of that imagination came from her memories of those first months, some from the days where she neither saw nor heard from Castiel, and she worried about them.

She had to stop writing the day she saw her father's face on the news, heard all the stories about this young, gorgeous man claiming to be God; a man who killed Christian and Muslim radicalists without mercy. She didn't know what had happened, but she couldn't help but flash back to that awful admission of Castiel's: _"I have made mistakes during this war with Raphael: mistakes that Dean is unlikely to forgive."_ Was this part of those mistakes? What had Castiel done to herself? Because that wasn't her, and it wasn't Claire's father either: Claire was certain about that.

Amelia couldn't take it at that point: she had never really been right after the demon possession, and she had always blamed Castiel for stealing her husband from them, but then? She screamed and shouted, threw a plate at the television and smashed them both. Threw things at the walls, at Claire. Claire's fault for bringing the angel back. Claire's fault they were on the run for the rest of their lives.

Claire sobbed as she locked herself in her room, bleeding, dialling 911.

Amelia had settled for drinking herself into a stupor, surrounded by shattered crockery and ornaments, by the time the police arrived. She threw the bottle at the cops, which led to Claire sitting beside Officer Freeman in the ER, him holding her hand as they both got stitched up, while Amelia got familiar with the local jail.

Claire's Aunt Catherine drove over from Ohio to stay with her, and to represent her while the police questioned her about what had happened. The trouble was that, even though she answered as honestly as she could, she couldn't tell the whole truth. She said they had seen a man who looked a bit like her dad on the news (the picture was grainy enough that she could get away with that one), but she couldn't say why Amelia had turned on her. Because it had never happened before – her mom hadn't been the same since Jimmy had gone missing, no, but she had never been violent before.

They released Amelia after a couple of days, with the warning that Social Services would be keeping a close eye on them from now on. Catherine stayed, blithely stating that she hadn't seen either of them in years, and her helping out might take some of the pressure off of Amelia. But it was obvious that something had broken beyond repair: Amelia was openly resentful of Claire's mere presence in the house, and Claire was afraid of her mother. After just three weeks, and with the support of Claire's new social worker, Catherine took her away.

Ohio was a refreshing change, and Catherine, who had never married, was surprisingly laid back. She was out of the house a lot, but always tried to make time for them to eat together regularly. She took a week off from her job to help Claire paint one of the spare rooms – her room now – the way she wanted it. Having had shades of pink her entire life, Claire was at first baffled by the choices available to her, but eventually settled on soothing blues and greens.

Catherine was everything Claire could have asked for, but she missed her mother terribly. She missed her friends. But, possibly worst of all, she missed Castiel. Claire had prayed frantically at first, asking her to contact her, let her know what was going on, letting Castiel know that Claire didn't believe she was doing this of her own volition, that Claire still had faith in her. When the reports of miracles stopped as suddenly as they had started, Claire prayed even harder, hoping beyond hope that the cessation wasn't for the reason she feared.

Eventually, she opened her laptop and started to keep a diary. Castiel and her dad would read it whenever they returned from whatever had trapped them. She got back in touch with a frantic Becky, and with Juanita and her other friends from Joliet via Facebook. She re-read 'Tall Tales' when Becky put it online and suddenly the Trickster's secret seemed obvious. All the tricks he played in the name of justice; the reality-warping powers that were so close to what Zachariah had done in 'It's a Terrible Life'; the now clearly blatant attempt to avert the apocalypse by keeping Sam from trying to avenge and/or reverse Dean's death…

_AngelofThursday:  
>The Trickster is the Archangel Gabriel, isn't he?<em>

_samlicker81:  
>… :O HOW?<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>It's all there, between Tall Tales and Mystery Spot. It's been bugging me for ages.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Don't tell anyone else. Sam and Dean find out, but it's not until the 8th story of the next batch.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>Won't breathe a word.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>So, you looking forward to school on Monday?<em>

_AngelofThursday:_

_Yes. But no._

_AngelofThursday:  
>It sucks that i won't have any friends, but at least i'm not starting halfway through the year this time.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Everyone's just starting – that's what's so grea about you just starting high achool. They don't have to know anything if you don't want them to.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>I know. And it's not like i'm trying to make friends after everyones' already done that. And i'll finaly be with people my own age. AC's great, but it,s not the same.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>*sob* this time next week youll have forgotten all about me.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>No i won't. you've been the most awesome friend ever. I can't believe you were going to drive 12 hours to make sure i was ok. How could i ever forget that?<em>

_samlicker81:  
>You were right tho – how would you have explained the mad woman you met online who's twice your age?<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>You're not mad, Bex. You're a bit loopy round the edges maybe.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>about that… i kinda want to ask your opinion about some of the upcoming stories. i'm kinda in two of them.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>I've already been in one. It's weird, but you'll get over it.<em>

_samlicker81 sent you 'Sympathy for the Devil. doc' __Accept__ or __deny__._

_Downloading 'Sympathy for the Devil. doc'_

_samlicker81:  
>See for yourself.<em>

Claire opened the document, and typed 'Becky' into the find feature. Hmm.

_AngelofThursday:  
><em>_Ok, this could be worse. You're a fangirl. That's okay. I'm sure Chuck, or God, won't mind if you change your name – you might look like a self-insert otherwise, and that's just weird. Even though you were kind of weird and stroked Sam._

_samlicker81:  
>Can you blame me? :)<em>_  
><em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>*whisper* can you keep a secret? I'm a Dean girl.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Is that from before or after you got possessed?<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
><em>_BECKY!1 :O_

_samlicker81:  
>0:)<em>

_samlicker81:  
>Should I assume that's 'after'?<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>You are totally shameless.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>Hey, you're writing fanfic in this :D That's surreal.<em>

_samlicker81:  
>You have no idea how shameless. Here, read this one and let me know. i'm not sure if ill publish it at all, tbh.<em>

_samlicker81 sent you 'The Real Ghostbusters. doc'. __Accept__ or __deny__._

_Downloading 'The Real Ghostbusters. doc'._

_samlicker81:  
>Night, Claire. Don't stay up too late readng.<em>

_AngelofThursday:  
>8-) ill be good. night.<em>

A couple of days later, Claire told Becky even though she thought that 'The Real Ghostbusters' was a bit too meta, even for their fandom, Becky had given important information to Sam at the end and, she assumed, 'Crowley' would be important very soon. So Becky dutifully changed the name of every fan. Some of them would recognise the events of the convention, and assume (correctly) that she had been there. They both hoped those fans would be amused by the idea that Sam and Dean had been walking among them, solving a real hunt hidden under their LARP. The biggest problem would be Damien and Barnes, who might well realise the truth if they didn't already know it. They hoped for the best, when it eventually came out.

Claire started school and slowly made some new friends. She lulled into a routine of school, homework and hanging out with her friends, but she always made time to write her diary for Castiel, and to chat with Becky. She even found a little time to write occasionally, and found that Gabriel's story resonated with her in an almost uncomfortable way, and inspired her. She knew that one of Castiel's biggest fears had been that by choosing Dean, he would be cut off from Heaven, alone, isolated from his brothers. Gabriel was living that. So she not only wrote about him, but started to pray to him as well as Castiel. She had no doubt that he received many thousands of prayers every day – Claire knew the words to the Prayer to Saint Gabriel the Archangel by heart – but she also knew that the intent of a prayer was important, and perhaps her heartfelt words might possibly be noticed under the maelstrom.

They invited Amelia for Thanksgiving, and Claire tried not to be too upset when she didn't appear. Black Friday saw them make the drive to Joliet instead. Amelia wasn't pleased to see them, and raged, her eyes red and bloodshot. The house smelled of alcohol, and Claire worried that being alone was allowing her mother to drink herself into oblivion rather than giving her the space to get herself better. Both her and Aunt Catherine were in tears when they started the return journey.

Claire prayed hard to Castiel that night: Amelia certainly wasn't 'safe' the way she was. She was going to kill herself, or possibly someone else if she drove in that state, and Castiel had promised that they would always be safe. Getting no response from him left her feeling angry herself, and she wept bitter, angry tears at realising that she could no longer rely on anyone except Catherine: her mom didn't care, and her dad and Castiel were probably dead.

Claire's birthday and Christmas were both quiet: neither of them really felt like celebrating. The months flew by, Becky posted more of Chuck's final works, and Claire read them, lacking her previous enthusiasm. She didn't participate in the fandom like she used to. Aunt Catherine put her lethargy down to whatever was starting to affect everyone else in the country.

And then, one day, out of the blue, she got a private message from HermioneForMinister:

_Hey. This is probably a long shot, especially since I'm new to the fandom, but I think you know it's all real. Those Left Behind stands out – it's too different to your other stories. You really are Claire Krushnic, aren't you?_

_If you think I'm mad, you can stop reading. If you know I'm not, you should know that I met Sam and Dean a couple weeks ago. I didn't see Castiel, but I heard Sam mention him. He's safe, from what I could tell, but it seems like he's been through a lot. Or should I be saying 'she'? You use 'she' for Cas. Angels are confusing that way, and I don't want to offend._

_Your latest stories seem a bit down. I figured you might be worried about your dad (and maybe Castiel too?), and I wanted to let you know, just in case I was right._

_- Charlie_

Claire stared at the message. Could it be possible? Was Castiel alive after all? And herself? Was she okay? Had she Fallen, after what she did? Was that why she wasn't answering Claire's prayers? Because she couldn't hear them? Or was there something wrong with her, and she could hear, but not respond? Had she just lost her cell phone, and that was the reason she stopped texting?

So many questions. And, currently, Claire only had one source she might get some answers from.

_Charlie,_

_I really am Claire, but I asked Becky to change my surname before she published The Rapture, so I'm not really a Krushnic._

_Castiel used to keep in touch regularly, but I haven't seen or heard from her in months, since just before that weird double lunar eclipse. I thought she'd died, tbh, and now you're saying she's okay, I'm just trying so hard to keep it together so I can write you._

_Don't sweat Castiel's gender, btw. She doesn't care. I think she kind of thinks it's funny I still call her a her. It's not like with trans people – she has been both, several times, and she doesn't really identify with one over the other._

_Can you tell me anything else about Castiel? Or about Sam and Dean? I could use some good news right now. Even if, knowing them, they're deep in something big and they're about to save the world again, it'd be good to know they're okay._

_- Claire_

Claire was fully expecting Charlie to pull punches – as far as the majority of the fandom was concerned, 'Claire Krushnic' was thirteen years old, and even if they realised she was fifteen, that wasn't much better. She hadn't been a child since the day she said yes to Castiel. The weird thing about that, though was that she never resented Castiel for the loss of her innocence: more that she resented the rest of the world for continuing to treat her exactly the same way when she had changed so fundamentally.

But Charlie surprised her and told her about Dick Roman and the Leviathan, about the data he was trying to get on the Winchesters, who knew how to incapacitate them and were working on a way of locking them back in Purgatory. She told Claire about the undercover task she had got caught doing – she was on the run from them herself now. She said about the Leviathans' plans to conquer the world by turning the human race into cattle, and how they had already started, along with a dire warning not to eat at a Big Gerson's or anything with corn syrup (Claire was suddenly incredibly grateful for Aunt Catherine's obsession with healthy eating and home cooking). She said about the brief conversation she had overheard, that 'Cas' was still asleep (a fact that worried Claire immensely), and how guilty Sam had looked. She also said she was sorry she didn't have any more info for Claire.

So, Castiel was unconscious – that explained why she hadn't been responding. At least she was alive: that was something. She could wake up at any moment. She could wake up, and believe that Claire had forgotten all about her if she didn't pray.

And so, for the first time in weeks, Claire prayed properly. She prayed that Castiel got better, that she knew Claire still cared about her and she would wait as long as it took. She had faith.

Aunt Catherine commented on her mood in the morning, smiling as she smoothed Claire's hair. Claire had a new lease of life, and she suddenly realised what zombies her friends, classmates and even her teachers had become. Becky wasn't any better: she had stopped posting stories entirely and her responses to messages sounded just as bad as the people Claire was surrounded by.

Her prayer to Castiel that night had an addition: that she believed in Sam and Dean wholeheartedly, but they had better get a move on with whatever their plan was, because humanity was falling fast, and was there anything she could do to help.

Castiel was at her side almost immediately, taking her hands and shaking her head.

"Claire, please stay away from all this," she begged, her voice oddly emotional. "You have to be safe. They… they might know about you, and I'm not sure I could stand it if they realised you might be a threat too."

She stared for a moment. This wasn't the angel she knew, surely?

"Are you okay?"

Castiel smiled gently, which was completely bizarre, and stroked her cheek. "I'm fine. I wasn't, for a long time, but I'm okay now, and I'm not fighting any more. It is peaceful."

This really wasn't right. But she didn't want to ask, she really didn't, because she was pretty sure she didn't want to know what had happened all those months ago.

"It was bad, whatever happened to you. Wasn't it?"

There: that wasn't asking. Castiel wouldn't see that as a request for information beyond the simple yes/no required.

She nodded, those blue eyes haunted. "Yes. I made a terrible decision. I thought it was the right thing to do."

It clearly hadn't been, and Claire couldn't help but think back to the conversation they had had not all that long before the double eclipse, where Castiel told her that she had made some choices she didn't believe Dean would forgive her for.

"He'll forgive you anything, you know," Claire said, looking up into her father's eyes and, for the first time, not finding him in their depths. Only Castiel, changed as she was. And she was saddened beyond anything Claire could imagine.

"I do not believe he will this time," she replied softly. "I unleashed this on the world, and I cannot fight to right it myself."

Claire stood so that she could look Castiel in the eye properly. "I don't know what happened. One day, I hope you can tell me, but I don't think that's now, is it?" Castiel shook her head, her eyes wide with fear. "But, whatever you are doing, you are helping to right this, and I'll still help you if I can."

"Please don't," Castiel said, tears spilling from her eyes and sliding, unceremonious and unchecked, down her cheeks. "I couldn't bear it if you were in danger too. Please, just stay safe. It should only be a few days now."

Claire gently stroked the tears away, as her father used to do for her and trying not to think about how unnatural it was to be doing this to his face, even if they weren't his tears. "I will. Just, please, stay safe yourself. And keep that man of yours safe too."

Castiel sighed and nodded. "I am trying. I cannot stay – I am putting you in danger merely by being here. Farewell, Claire, and keep praying. I am listening now. I will always be listening to you."

.oOo.

And a few days later, just as Castiel had promised, the world changed once again. Dick Roman suddenly disappeared, and his entire empire collapsed. Humanity started to wake up from its stupor.

Yes, there were days where Claire regretted that decision to enter the Supernatural fandom, but there were people like Becky and Charlie, who had given her her faith back. It was a different kind of faith now, but it was something that was uniquely hers, and she wouldn't trade it for the world now.


End file.
